My letter to Burger King
Dear Burger King UK,
I am pleased to see the introduction of the Burger King mascot into your recent advertising slogans, however I feel you may be missing a trick here. Instead of being a human man king who is the king of the Burger, the Burger King should literally be a Burger. The top half of the bun would be his face, with some kind of spherical vegetable for eyes, the burger would form his mouth (perhaps with bacon for a tongue) and the bottom bun would be the remainder of his body. He would have plastic forks for hands, straws for feet, would sit on a throne made of plastic cups and would have a crown made of golden french fries. He would be the best king. His slogan would be ‘I’m the Burger King’ which should be said in a slightly whimsical Northern accent and his close friends would be a Chicken Strip called Duncan, a pair of Whopper Junior children, a Spicy Beanburger Lesbian called Anna and he would be married to a beautiful veggie burger called V. There would be no sexual undertone amongst the characters and they would live happily in a world of balanced diets and social awareness.
I am fully available to discuss my idea further, or indeed to provide you with the voice of the Burger King, upon request.
Please find attached my drawing of what the Burger King would look like.
Yours, with love,