In this series of segments, local man (thick Plymouthian accent, aged about 29.. not a janner as such) Dustin Eyejuice offers helpful advice to listeners as well as complaints about the show. Each segment should be recorded in the style of a message he left on an answering machine.
In this third segment, Dustin calls to tell listeners about a series of lectures he’ll be putting on at Hammer’s, plus a clever way he’s found to avoid expensive phone calls to his friends.
—
[FX: Beep]
DUSTIN
Hello boys and girls – Dustin Eyejuice here again with some great news for all my many fans. Terry, the landlord of Hammer’s on Sebastian Avenue has agreed to let me put on my own evenings. They’ll be called ‘An Evening With Dustin Eyejuice’ but won’t be as flashy as those shows you get on ITV. Also, it’s quite unlikely that Bob Carolgees will be there, but Bob, if you’re listening, I would love you to come. Entrance is a pound, or 50p if you’re Bob Carolgees or willing to pretend you are to impress the barmaids. While we’re talking about money, here’s a great way to save money on expensive phone calls – simply go to a phonebox and rings random 0800 numbers until a lady answers, then talk to her for a bit about yourself and hope she asks for your number. If she does, give her the number of the phonebox and say ‘I’m like the littlest hobo my dear..’ but you might like to qualify that statement but clarifying that you’re not a German Shephard. You don’t have to, and maybe she’ll like you more if you don’t. Bye.